My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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