The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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