If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
