You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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