I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
