He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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