Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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