i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
