i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
