i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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