I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
