So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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