I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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