She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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