cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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