i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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