I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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