Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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