I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
