Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
