Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
