Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
