i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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