I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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