My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
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