I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
