I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize
