Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
