so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
