Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
