One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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