Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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