The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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