Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
