I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
