I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
