Well apparently he's into motor boating.
oh god the rape fog is back!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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