i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
