do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
