The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
