Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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