Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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