This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
