He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
