ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
