i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
