if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
