I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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