Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
