Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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