All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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