really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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