i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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