I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
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