I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize