one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
