I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
