even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
