Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
