this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
