I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
