If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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