dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize