he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
