The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
