Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Be still, my beating vagina.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
