HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
