the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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