Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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